random things that i think of

Chapter 12.

littlewhiteliesfanfic:

“Kiss me.”

My eyes opened quickly, my heart racing in my chest as I looked around the living room, which was empty. Taking a deep breath, I sat up slowly and felt around for my phone. I don’t know what time it was but the sun was down and it was dark as shit. I licked my lips and stood up, I already knew the route of my living room in the dark without running into anything. I walked over to the light switch near the door and flicked it on. Seeing my phone sitting on the table, I walked over and picked it up, unlocking the screen to see the time, it was almost ten.

“Damn.” I mumbled yawning slightly.

It was around six when I fell asleep, I was knocked the fuck out. I was still high, so I planned on taking my ass upstairs and just going back to sleep. I starred down at my phone as I walked slowly towards the kitchen. No new messages or calls, with a sigh I sat my phone on the counter and opened the fridge, getting out the gallon of Turkey Hill Iced Tea and without getting a cup, I took the cap off and chugged it.

I sat the tea back in the fridge and grabbed my phone, leaning against the counter I went to my recent call log and tapped Bryan’s name. His should have been here three hours ago, where the fuck was he?

I was fighting to keep my eyes open as the phone rang in my ear, after three rings it went straight to his voicemail. I sucked my teeth and ended the call, this nigga just forwarded me.

I see how he wants to act, he tells me he aint cheating, then tells me he’s gonna spend the night but then come eight, he’s no where, and now he wants to ignore my calls? Okay.

I sluggishly made my way back in the living room, I walked over to the computer desk behind the couch that was against the wall and grabbed the pack of Newports that sat there. Yawning roughly I removed one from the pack, made sure I had a lighter in my pocket before I went outside. It felt amazing out there, it was still pretty warm, but the breeze made it feel like an island, perfect weather. Why can’t it be like this all the time?

After I lit my cigarette, instantly I took a long, very needed pull and let the smoke out slowly as I looked around the block. It was pretty quiet for the most part, the only thing I could hear was cop cars in the distance and other loud people in their houses.

Before I woke up, I was having a dream about Chris. My dream was replaying what happened upstairs, when he pinned be against the door asking me to kiss him. I shook from the thought and brought the cigarette to my lips, taking another pull.

As I sat there, my phone started going off, looking down it was Ashley. I totally forgot I told her to call me when she gets off work.

“Hey boo.” I said sleepily as I flicked ash onto the ground.

“Was you sleep?” Ashley asked, I could tell she was walking, I heard the breeze smacking against her phone, along with the live night life on the other side of town.

“I just woke up like five minutes ago.” I chuckled, taking another pull of the cigarette, “You just get off?” I asked, taking a deep breath as smoke leaked from my nose slowly.

“Yea.” Ashley sighed, “I’ma just go home and sleep though, I don’t feel like walkin’ all the way to your house.” She chuckled, “We’re still goin’ to Brandi’s for the fourth right?”

“Mhm.” I nodded, “They all met Chris today.” I smirked, bringing the cigarette to my lips.

“Oh really?” Ashley chuckled, “I bet Steph was feenin’.” She laughed.

I laughed and nodded my head, “You already know.” I blew smoke out quickly and looked down at Chris’ house before looking forward, “But Ashley, Chris tried to kiss me…” I said lowly.

Ashley laughed, “Are you serious?” She asked, between chuckles.

“Yes!” I nodded, taking another pull.

“Did you kiss him?” Ashley asked with a smile to her voice.

“No.” I chuckled and ashed the cigarette.

“Why not? You broke up with Bryan right?” Ashley asked, attitude to her voice.

I sighed deeply and took one more drag of the cigarette before I chucked it into the street, “No and besides Ashley Chris is tied down, he has a girlfriend. Kae is sweet, I don’t want to do that to her!” I pushed the loose hairs from my face and rested my chin on my hand.

“Oh Christina,” Ashley chuckled, “You’re so stupid! Who gives a shit if he has a girlfriend, we can play the games guys play too you. It’s obvious this nigga likes you, and who gives a shit if you met him three days ago!”

I didn’t say anything as I starred at the houses in front of me.

“His girlfriend is small and weak, what the hell is she possibly gon do if she finds out yall fuckin? Besides break up with him.” Ashley laughed.

I laughed and looked up at the sky, “I dunno Ashley, I don’t fucking know.”

Ashley chuckled, “Cause I know you and I know you wanna fuck him.”

“Ashley! Oh my God you just fuckin reminded me! This nigga,” I laughed loudly and smacked my hand on my knee, “This nigga sent me a picture of his anaconda!”

Ashley laughed loud, “Anaconda as in big dick?” She laughed.

“Ashley yessss.” I laughed quietly, “Like, I never seen a dick that big. You don’t understand I have to show you, I have to. It’s like almost ten inches long and at least three inches fat around.” I felt my cheeks turning pink, just thinking about that thing made my mind wonder.

“I told you! I got that radar bitch.” Ashley chuckled.

“I thought of you the moment I saw it.” I laughed and sighed deeply, “I was like damn daddy.”

“Well hop on it.” Ashley smirked, “But I just got in, I’m goin’ to crash, call me tomorrow and we’ll go out have a little fourth of July pre-party.” She said with a slight yawn.

Her yawn caused me to yawn, “Okay.” I pushed myself up and brushed my ass of before turning towards the front door.

“Goodnight.”

“Night.” I brought the phone down and ended the call as I walked inside, the cold air chilling my bones. After I locked the door I quickly made my way upstairs and shut my bedroom door.

I sat my phone on the nightstand and stripped out of the clothes I was wearing all day to put on some pajamas. As soon I was comfortable, I crawled in bed and it was lights out.

The next day.

My eyes finally opened around noon, the first thing I did when I woke up is grab my phone. The sun shined brightly throughout my bedroom, my eyes still adjusting to the light as I went to my text messages. Every morning I woke up to at least six new text messages, so I guess the number of messages I have before I check my phone, this time I only had three, so I was way off.

I stopped at the first message from one of my girls, Kenni, she asked what time is the party at Brandi’s and I simply replied with the time and went to the next one from Roc. His said to call him asap, with a sigh, I looked at the last one, seeing it was from Chris.

‘Sorry about yesterday I don’t want u to think I’m a creep lol I respect that u knew not to step outside ur relationship. Hope we can still be the best of smokin partners lol I’ll see u ma’

I smiled at his cuteness and sat up before typing in a response.

‘it’s okay, & no iont think you’re a creep, lol. & of course! smokin buddies fo’eva, (:’

I sent the text and laid there for a moment, closing my eyes. At least Chris apologized and realized that he was in the wrong. To be honest, I didn’t even care about my relationship at this moment, Bryan is up to something and when I find out he’s lying to me, I swear I’m seriously breaking up with him this time. There’s no listening to the reasons why I shouldn’t leave him, because all of his excuses are irrelevant to me now. He’s done NOTHING to prove to me that he wants to be with me and work on rekindling our relationship.

I was more thinking on the lines of Kae, I liked her, she was nice and hasn’t done anything yet to make me think different. Even though she hangs out with Shanae, she still talks to me with respect. I mean, she must trust Chris because he hasn’t cheated on her throughout their entire relationship, that some serious bondage right there. I don’t want to break that up, Chris just needs to figure out what he wants to do. If their relationship isn’t the same, he needs to break up with her before he pulls a Bryan, because cheating does nothing but hurt the people’s feelings, regardless if you’re feelings aren’t the same. That shit aint cool.

****

I turned my phone off for a good hour and just let my body soak in the bathtub. I made sure I put some coconut vanilla bath rocks in there and just let my body relax in the warm water.

After I peeled myself out of the tub, I got dressed and let my wet hair dangle down my shoulders, not even bothering to put on any make-up. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and trotted down the steps, snatching up my pack of cigarettes before opening the front door. Surprisingly it wasn’t so hot outside, the breeze from last night stayed around, it was beautiful out here.

I lit myself a cigarette and looked around, seeing other families on their porches enjoying the weather before I looked down at my phone. I kinda didn’t want to do anything today so I can prepare myself for tomorrow because I plan on getting so drunk. Brandi, as well as most all of my friends live in the north side of town. Brandi lives on North Plum street, and Ashley lives on North Shippen, literately around the corner from each other. So I know after we’re done gettin’ wasted at Brandi’s, it’s gonna be one hell of a walk back to Chris’ house.

“Christinaaaaaaaaa.” Chris chanted with a small whine.

I looked over seeing him jogging down his porch steps.

“Hi.” I smiled with a small wave.

Chris came to a stop in at the bottom of the steps, he looked up at me and smiled slightly, “Sup?” He asked, tucking his hands in his pockets.

I shrugged and let smoke out quickly, “Chillin, preparing myself for tomorrow.” I chuckled, flicking ash into the small grass lawn in front of my porch, “How are you?” I asked, looking at him.

“Good.” Chris nodded.

I could sense an awkward vibe that rubbed off of him, I knew he felt some type of way about me denying him yesterday.

We just starred at each other for a moment.

“You ready Chris?”

We both looked over seeing Kae walking off the porch.

“Hi Christina.” Kae smiled with a wave.

“Hey.” I waved back and looked at Chris, “Better get goin’.” I said lowly, bringing the cigarette to my lips.

“Yea.” Chris nodded his head and licked his lips quickly, “See ya.” He turned around slowly and started to head for his car, where Kae stood waiting for him.

I sighed deeply and starred down at the cigarette in my hand, a sad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don’t know why I was starting to feel bad, because he did that to himself, I guess he was expecting me to kiss him, like I had to. He should know better, and I wanted to build a friendship with him, I wanted him to know me before anything. Rushing isn’t the answer to anything.

****

Everyone was busy today or something because my phone didn’t ring or vibrate once. I’ve just been hanging out by myself in my living room pretty much all afternoon.

As I watched re-runs of Jersey Shore, for the first time all day my phone started going off.

“Hi.” I said plainly, my heart skipping a few beats.

“What are you doin’ tomorrow?” Bryan asked, I could hear girls in his background along with his cousin and a few other people.

“I’m goin’ to Brandi’s.” I responded, turning the TV down a little.

“Aight.” Bryan mumbled.

“Why didn’t you come over last night?” I asked, keeping my vision on the TV.

Bryan took a deep breath, “I ended up crashin’ at Noel’s crib.” He mumbled.

I could hear it in his voice he was lying through his fucking teeth, “Really?” I asked with a smirk, my heart beating fast in my chest.

“Yea, really.” Bryan snapped.

It was silent between us as I listened to him mumble and talk with the people around him, like I wasn’t on the phone. I just wanted to hang up on him, I was so pissed and I was two seconds away from telling him I’m done. I went to go say something before he finally spoke.

“What are you doin’?”

“I’m watchin’ TV.” I mumbled, feeling my chest getting tight.

“Oh…” Bryan sighed a little, “Well, I’ll let you go, I’m goin’ to a party in Ephrata tomorrow, so I won’t see you.”

“Cool.” I said smartly, “Bye Bryan.”

Before he could say anything I ended the call and dropped my phone in my lap.

Fuck him, right now I didn’t give a fuck, tonight if I get drunk and just happen to do something stupid, oh well. I’m done with this shit, straight up done and I’m not going to let him be my weakness anymore.